Sometimes I Think

One of my very favourite songs is The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” (sometimes erroneously called “Teenage Wasteland” for its refrain — those not sufficiently educated in Rock History may know it as the theme from TV’s CSI: NY). When I moved back to the Barnes-Davies homestead at the beginning of July, one of my crappy old 2.1 speakers died (the wiring inside one of contact became irreparably disconnected). I’d had to chop the contact off the other speaker the previous week, so I immediately ordered a new speaker set, which, when it arrived, turned out to be basically an upgrade of my previous set. Yes, upgrade, because it’s 5.1. Ever since, I’ve been enjoying some fantastic surround sound (although the upmixing isn’t exactly great). Now, back to Baba — when I listen to music, I generally just open WMP and play my entire library on shuffle. Yesterday, Baba O’Riley came on and I happened not to be doing anything else — so I just listened…

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m listening to music (as in properly listening, rather than using as background noise), I usually pay slightly more attention to one broad element — such as lyrics or music. This time, I really felt the lyrics of this song, so I thought I might reveal my thoughts on them, and what they mean, and have meant, to me.

I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.

These words have always somehow made me think. I recall that, when I was a teenager, a little while ago, I interpreted this as a sort of cry of defiance — “I’m right no matter what you think” and “I needn’t justify myself to anyone else”. I now regard that interpretation as somewhat childish — apparently I actually have matured (who’d’a thunk, eh?). Yesterday, my conception of the same lines was that, even though I still don’t set great store by others’ opinions of me, it seems now less a cry of defiance, more a placid statement of confidence — both in myself and my friends. I think this shift has been caused by a few major factors in my life that are different (one of those is the people I now know, but they'll surely be praised in good time). As I mentioned, I’ve apparently matured (although, of course, one is never finished doing so) — most of all, I’ve matured as a Christian man.

My faith isn’t always a shout-from-the-rooftops euphoria or an overstated religious experience any more. As a young Christian, I had occasional moments of loud and enthusiastic proclamation, balanced by being, in general, everyday life, pretty much unchanged in myself. Since I’ve started attending my church (which is very dear to me) and the Chaplaincy (even dearer), my faith has become more of an integrated part of me. I don’t mean that it’s no longer important — by far the opposite — rather, it is a vital and inextricable part of myself — my actions, my views, my emotions, etc. etc. In short, I actually don’t need to fight to prove I’m right. Nor do I need to be forgiven by any person I know or don’t. My Lord forgave and forgives me, and His spirit guides me always. I can and do make mistakes, but somehow, it all comes right.

Next time: "Not the First", why I've resumed blogging...